Family rules

Every couple knows that when raising kids there's a constant battle. The kids find a way to put themselves in between you. They pit one parent against the other. It's true. It's inevitable. It happens.

It's up to us to figure this out and make sure that we stand united. That the kids don't divide us. That we're a wall. Strong together. Right? I think being consistent is the key when kids are learning rules -- especially when they're little. Consequences are key as well.

Some of our rules?

• Perform the same bedtime and naptime routine each day
• Keep the same naptime/snack/meal schedule
• Eat what is served -- no special meals
• No hitting or biting
• Pacifiers only for sleeping (in bed or in the car)

Of course as the kids got to be mobile we had to expand our rules. Like what?

• Hold hands in parking lots / whenever we exit the car somewhere other than at home
• Stay on the sidewalk
• When we're out playing, make sure that you can see Mommy/Daddy and we can see you
• When we say "Too far" means to come closer to us

Even now, my kids (5 and almost 8) hold my hand when we're exiting our car. They get out of the car on my side (whichever side I'm sitting) and stand near the side of the car. I just hold both hands near my sides after I close my door and they grab a hand. It's a loose hand holding. It's not a tight grip. They know that it's safer to walk next to me because I'm taller than them (YES! 5'3" is taller than my kids!). And the sidewalk rule? It's still in effect when we're in front of our house. The only time that rule is bent is when they're playing in the cul-de-sac.

But it's just as inevitable that each of us parents finds their own style. Our own way of dealing with things. It's this way in our house. I recognize this. The Hubs has one way of getting things done. I have another way of getting things done. By now there are some things that the Hubs does with the kids. There are some things I do with the kids. There is a definite split between us on certain thing now that the kids are older.

I let the kids get pretty loud when it's just the three of us in the house. I let the kids run around upstairs. I let the kids run around downstairs in the back part of the house -- when I'm working in the den in the front part of the house. I figure that they need to burn some energy and play, so why not? Of course, I do check up on them. Make sure they're not getting too aggressive with each other. When they hear the garage door open that signals the Hubs arriving home? They know they need to turn the decibels down a few notches.

When the kids inevitably fight, I seriously don't want to referee. I basically just get the one who is hurt to make sure it's a minor injury. I don't ask who started it. It really doesn't matter to me. I just want to find out if one of them has a boo-boo that needs attention. I quiet the situation and wipe away the tears. I remind them both about being rough with each other and it's all done. They normally get back to playing with each other within 5 minutes. Now the Hubs? When crying starts, he'll yell upstairs and do the "who did what?" and "why did you?" Then he'll send them to their rooms. Both kids end up crying in their rooms. Things don't get back to normal for a while. A LONG while. Because now he is angry that they fought. And they're upset that they got yelled at. [sigh]

I am not saying that what the Hubs does is wrong. I'm recognizing that he has his way of parenting and I have my own. But when the kids were smaller? When the kids couldn't really communicate with words and were still learning about behavior? We were a united front. And it worked in teaching our kids how we do things. Once we figured out what rules we wanted to enforce and how we would handle each situation, it was pretty easy.

This is how we do things in our family.

This is the answer I gave Princes when she asked about why we do things a certain way and other people did things another way. She sees other kids her age running around parking lots. She sees other kids being sassy to their parents. She sees other people eating certain things (candy / cookies / cakes) when we don't eat daily. I let her know that parents make the rules for their family. And when she gets to be a parent, she and her husband will figure out the rules their kids will need to follow.

Even though it is sometimes hard to follow our family rules, the kids know that we parents have a responsibility. One that I make sure they remember.

It's Mommy and Daddy's job to help them make good decisions.

But what's great? Is that we're a family. And we allow each other the flexibility to be how we are. Sometimes the way the Hubs behaves frustrates me to goodness knows what, but that's the way he is. And I have to accept it. I have my flaws a plenty and he's a good man to put up with some things. The kids know that we want the best for them. And they're kids. So discipline will be something that we're going to have to continue with as they grow. We can only build upon the rules we've already established. I feel that we've got some solid rules and hopefully we'll raise some kids that WILL make good decisions.