Sunday, July 25, 2004

Starting a new way of venting...

Since about junior high I've been one to pick up a journal and write about my feelings. I've done this off and on throughout my life. I just started a new journal about two weeks ago because I found that I needed an outlet to vent my frustrations about life. But I'd read about the blog world and have decided to type out my frustrations. It's faster than writing that's for sure. I'm not sure if I can handle the comments that might come my way but at least someone will be reading about my feelings.

My husband sure doesn't seem interested in hearing about what I'm thinking lately. All he cares about is if he's got clean clothes to wear and something to eat. He doesn't seem to care that he's not nurturing our relationship. He is so distant. He's one of those that doesn't need to talk to a soul all day long. But me? I need adult interaction! I need to talk to someone! Maybe that's why I'm so friendly with folks when the kids and I are out and about. I'm craving adult conversation. My husband doesn't seem to get it! Being at home with a 3 and 1 year old can make anyone want time with adults.

Let me say that I never aspired to be a Mom. I didn't! I'll admit it. I never thought I'd be married...let alone have two children. I thought I'd be one of those single overworked professionals. I come from a workaholic family so that was fine with me. I was a touchy feely kid. I'm a typical Type-A personality. It was good for me in the business world too. I was straight forward and direct. I got the job done. When I was working I had tons of friends at work too. Yes, I did my work but I made time to nurture friendships. I would gladly befriend anyone who tried their best at work. For those who didn't pull their weight??? They'd better not have to work with me!

But now I'm a Mom and I try to keep my kids happy. They're at that age when the older one doesn't want to have anything to do with the younger one. Every day there's some hitting and crying and kicking and pulling. But then there's the hugging and the cuddling and the kissing. It's up and down every day. And I try to keep an even keel which is difficult. So when my hubby comes home I want to chat. But what have I got to chat about? The kids... the errands we've done... the food we've eaten... nothing exciting! But he could at least try to be interested in what I've got to say. Shouldn't he?

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