Saturday, June 4, 2005

Time to commit

There are couples that know right off that bat that they are going to get married. This is great. This means both individuals are in the same point in life -- both ready to make a commitment to one another. Of course, there is the other side of the spectrum where couples are together for years and do not make the legal commitment. Then in the middle there are couples who are "engaged" but have yet to set a date.

There have been a lot of newly famous engaged couples as of late. Paris & Paris. Now who else knew that she was actually dating someone? I've never seen a photo of her with this guy in 9 months? But since they both come from wealthy families than it has more of a chance of lasting since they've both grown up the same way. Then there's the down-to-earth coupling of Ben & Jennifer G. Those two are so much better as a couple than the previous Bennifer tangle. JenG & Ben are both casual. Laid back. Homebodies. I'm so happy that they are engaged. I'm sure their child will be beautiful. Then I'm waiting to hear official news of Tom & Katie. I picked up a magazine yesterday that stated that the two have discussed marriage and having children together. Wow! That is SO fast!

Of course, there's the most famous couple of all who has never seemed to even THINK of marriage -- Goldie & Kurt. Those two have been together forever. They've got kids together. And they SEEM to always be happy. I'm sure they've had their bumps in the road (I hear he flirts like crazy with other women), but it seems they keep those issues private and they work them out. This "no marriage" arrangement seems to work for them. It's something they are both comfortable with. They have been successful in their careers. They seemed to get together as both of them were bright stars. Now that their shine has faded...they are still going strong.

The one couple that comes to mind for being together and "engaged" is Oprah & Steadman. It's funny that they even are engaged. I see the two of them as the same as Goldie & Kurt. They've just been together SO long that it works for them. Now if they'd gotten marriage shortly after they got engaged it would have made sense to me. But why even claim to be engaged if the end result is not marriage? They might as well have not gotten engaged and be done with it.

There are so many people who define their relationship differently. Whatever works for them that's fine. I guess I'm just a traditional kind of gal.

I know when I was dating my husband, I was in my mid-20s. I was developing my career steadily. I was at a comfortable point in my life. I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship. Then we "found" each other (Feb 1993). We started dating immediately. My then-boyfriend came for Thankgiving dinner in Nov 1994, he heard a conversation that still rings in his ears today (11 years later).

Dad: "Honey."

Me: "Yes?"

Dad: "You know...there's a nice young man that I met recently. I think you should meet him."

Me: "Uh. Okay..."

You see, my father was bringing up a topic that was bugging him. I had been dating my then-boyfriend for 21 months, so my father was WHERE our relationship was going. He didn't want to ask my then-boyfriend directly, so this was my father's way of getting his question out in the air. If my then-boyfriend wasn't going to make a commitment, then my father knew someone who might. I know. He was butting in to a place where he really had no vote. But he's my father. A father of 4 daughters. He was just looking out for my interests.

But I have to tell you that I was on the 2-year plan. In my own mind, people should know where their relationship is going after about 2 years. So, I had already thought of the possibility that this relationship MAY not work out. Especially if the two of us didn't have a serious discussion as to our future plans. You see, in all the time we were dating we never discussed the future. We went with the here and now. I didn't know what he was thinking. He didn't know that I was on a 2-year plan.

Thankfully, about a week after our 2-year anniversay he asked me to marry him. It was Valentine's Day. I thought we were just out for a fancy dinner. But no. When he took me to my condo, he got down on his knee and proposed. After I recovered from the shock of the moment, he told me to call my parents to find out if they were home. The two of us drove over to my folks house and informed them of the situation. They kind of suspected what was going on because I never would call them up on a weekend night to find out if they were home. We were married 13 months later.

For us, it took 3 years to finally get to a legal commitment to one another. We've been married now for over 9 years. We have our rough moments. Overall? It's been good.

But I must comment on what's going on with LilSis! I met her boyfriend over Memorial Day weekend. He seems REALLY nice. He seems to fit into our clan very easily. He came over to Sis#2's house for her birthday party. Sis#2 and her husband both feel he's a good guy. He played with all the kids. Nephew#2 just loves to play with him. My Mom seems to be fine with him. And I know for a fact that LilSis and he have discussed marriage. They've discussed how many children they want. They've discussed that he will support her if they get married and she is in law school. They've discussed that once she gets a job that he'd like to go back and get his MBA. They've discussed where (what part of the city) they'd like to live. They've only been dating since the end of January! What's great though is that HIS family is so on board about the two of them making it official. His parents are telling other family members about my sister. What's funny is that one of his cousins graduated Memorial weekend and had a party. All the family that had heard about my sister where wondering "Where the heck is this girl that our cousin is in love with?" The rest of his family that hadn't heard about my sister where wondering "When did THIS relationship happen? We were all together at the holidays and there was NO talk about this!" I think everyone is excited that the two have "found" each other. So compared to me...LilSis is on the fast track to commitment.

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