Sunday, April 18, 2010

To know my faults and try to correct them

I am filled with many faults. My foibles. I'm totally a Type-A personality. I want things a certain way. It's always been that way.

But I noticed something about myself this week.

I've been angry.

And I've been lashing out to those closest to me.

The Hubs. The Princes. The Bear.

It's so unfair to them. My anger. Caused by my stress about finding a job. Since I work at home I don't talk to many people. I noticed that I've been more negative than normal. Talking like the world as a whole is half empty rather than half full. Feeling unsatisfied. Feeling internally unsettled. Bitter maybe? [sigh]

So Friday night I concluded as I crawled into bed that I would try my hardest to be more kind. More patient. Convey my thoughts with a softer voice. Even pause before I speak rather than rush into a slew of words.

I do believe now that my eyes are open to this horrible fault of mine that I'm tackling it head on. By being in the moment. Taking a breath. I must say that it's hard for this Type-A personality. But to  take everything out on my family is not an option. I realize that they're not the problem. It's me that needs to change here. And I'm trying my darndest.

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