As you probably can tell, I've been pretty down as of late.
It's not just one thing. It's everything. Being overloaded at work. Trying to keep the kids busy. Worrying about my sisters who aren't getting along. Being a "single" parent.
I can't believe it's already been over a year since I moved out here. And the kids have just hit their one year mark for being here as well.
While the Hubs has come out here to visit us a few times, it's not the same. I'm still have to do everything to get through the day-to-day. Some of you are probably scoffing at me. I mean, I've only got the two kids. How hard can it be? For me? It's hard. All the things that need to be done to run a home and create a warm family life. All those little things. My shoulders feel the weight of it all. My head sometimes gets fuzzy about all the stuff that needs to get done. For some it's easy to get things organized and done. I'm fine with getting my regular workload organized and settled. Bing-bang-boom. But my life? I just get be-fuddled by it all. [sigh]
The other day after work, I felt so lost. As I walked to my car, I felt like the weight of the world was on me. I had that feeling like I was drowning with no help in sight. I felt that gasping effort in my lungs just to breath. But I trudged on. I got in my car and started on home with an empty feeling in my heart.
As I sat waiting at the highway on-ramp, I looked up as I normally would when I'm troubled. I usually look up to watch the clouds with their ever-changing shapes moving effortless before me. But my eyes did not move to the clouds high above me. My eyes instead saw a most beautiful sight. Two birds flying in synch. Swooping up, diving down, and twisting between each other. I don't know if it was a Mama-bird showing her baby to fly aggressively. I don't know if it was a boy bird courting a girl bird. But no matter. For those 10 minutes, I watched this beautiful dance in the sky. And I knew it was God trying to give me a little boost. Showing me how wonderful and free life can be. It warmed my heart. It soothed my soul. It filled that empty space in my heart, just like my kids can do.
I'll try hard to continue to find inspiration and joy in my day as I continue to work through the difficulties in my life. How about you? Can you give me some inspiration?